head ache

90% of the stuff in my mind is crap, really, I'm so fed up with it, I've never been so fed up with the contents of my mind. The only times I get any rest is when I'm meditating, sleeping or having a couple of nice beers, the rest is banal, mediocre, self-important crap. Honestly, it's a miracle I can actually do anything.

At least I'm taking responsibility for my own predicament. It's not anyone's 'fault'. I've just become a master at noticing the bollocks I talk to myself. It's like being sober in a pub with lots of drunk people, they all think they are so witty, all little Oscar Wildes. When in fact they are deathly dull.

The same can be said for the great majority of the inhabitants of my mind. So as I said, I'm taking responsibility, I am the landlord and I'm watching all these dullards from behind the bar and I've had enough of 'em. It's gone 11pm, I want them out, gone! go!!


Tim said...

Hi Martin. Time to join the rest of us - only 90% mind-crap? I'll raise you on that one!

You're right. Unlike the majority of people you are at least aware that you are not your thoughts.

Maybe some mindfulness exercises would help?


martin said...

yes, practice outside of sitting practice, that's what's called for.

Umguy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Umguy said...

I've been feeling very much the same way about my own mind recently.

I heard an interview with Eckhart Tolle where he said he thinks about 80% less thoughts since waking up.

On the one hand that sounded pretty cool and yet there was this voice... thinking how awful that would be.

I suppose he just got rid of the reptitive stuff if it's true.

So... are we supposed to stop thinking all those thoughts or are we supposed to just witness all those thoughts and stop getting so attached to them? Maybe it is just different language to describe the same process.

martin said...

The thoughts mean something. So (for me) I don't think repressing or ignoring them is particularly useful.

On a developmental level I'd put my centre of gravity at the existencial, moving towards the Centaur, stage. So therefore my job right now is integration. All these thoughts, especially the 'annoying' ones are aspects of my psyche, shadow or not. These aspects can't be ignored (or murdered, I have on many occasions imagined taking a big, sharp knife to my Super Ego...), they have to be accepted and integrated. In the case of shadow aspects, uncovered and integrated.

This is why we get psychotic gurus who end up abusing their followers. In the mad rush to the non-dual they ignore the existencial stage and all the hard work that requires. The non-dual without integration at the existencial level, to me, is a very frightening prospect.


Tim said...

>>. In the mad rush to the non-dual they ignore the existencial stage and all the hard work that requires.<<

I think that's true.

>> The thoughts mean something

We imbue the thoughts with meaning.
Try this:

"I'll be late for work if I miss the train."

Which means that ? .....

"They'll think less of me at work."

Which means that? ...

"My position may be under threat."

Which means that?

[Continue until, well, ........]